Choice

If I had to name just one thing this illness has taken from me, I would be choice

I no longer have the ability to choose when I go out or have a social life

A lot of people think it’s my choice to cancel plans or make excuses

However my body takes that choice away from me

It decides when I am able to do things and when I have to rest

When I say I’m too tired to go out, I am literally unable to get up and get ready

Recently I had to bail out of a cinema trip

Nobody understood that it’s because I could not actually get out of bed

Many thought I had decided I just didn’t want to go and made an excuse

How is tired an excuse?

Well when you’re chronically ill, if I say I’m tired it means I am beyond tired

I am exhausted to the point I have no energy to even get dressed let alone go out

Please know I will always try my absolute best to keep plans and do all I can to ensure I will make it out

I will try to rest as much as possible if there is a big social event coming up I want to attend, but that still doesn’t guarantee I can go

I never know how im going to feel from one moment to the next so, yes, choice has been taken away from me, and it really limits me beyond what others see