When the Fatigue Hits

Recently the fatigue has really hit me hard

I’m always tired as it is, but add in a cold and now a sinus infection and I have nothing left

If you know about the spoon theory, I have about 3 spoons every day currently

For anyone who doesn’t know what this means, it’s a concept for chronic illness

In basic terms, a person has so much energy to use in a day, this is represented by spoons

The less spoons I start with, the less I can achieve in a day

It takes a number of spoons per task including getting up, having a shower, cooking, working, driving… the list goes on

3 spoons is no way near enough to survive even a few hours – I’m running on empty

Currently my coping mechanism is to keep eating… probably not the best thing but it’s the only thing bringing me energy

Sometimes I can’t remember what I’m meant to be doing, and I can’t remember what questions I need to ask etc.

I feel useless.

I’m incoherent a lot of the time so I’ve just given up with conversations and just listen to others speak

But then I get home and go to bed and I can’t sleep

When I do get to sleep I lay in and don’t wake up until much later than I usually naturally wake, even more tired than I was the day before

I may as well not be sleeping at all, at least that would then give me a reason for my tiredness

I feel like I need a week of bed rest but just don’t have the time for that

I have to cancel plans, cancel attending socials that I really wanted to go to

It’s the first time I’ve had to cancel such a simple, easy social as going to the cinema as I literally didn’t even have the energy to leave the house

The hardest part is the look people give me when I explain why I couldn’t attend.

“You were just tired?!” They repeat with judging eyes

My tired is not the same as your tired.

It is an exhaustion that wipes me out worse than the flu could

My body physically will not let me get up and get dressed

Hopefully this infection will be out of my system soon and I can return to my normal level of fatigue and I can be out of this flare

I’m trying to take it easy but it’s so hard!