Fibromyalgia Poems

Chronic Illness: What You Don’t See

You see me smiling and laughing

You see me living my life

You see me like anybody else

But I’m hiding the truth

You don’t see the days I spend in bed

The days I can barely move

I am too fatigued, in too much pain

Those are the days I hide away

You don’t see the supplements I take

Praying they will give me some relief

I will try anything that might help

To feel just a little more human

You don’t see me lying awake at night

So exhausted I feel sick

Yet unable to drift away into sleep

The pain enough to drive me insane

Sometimes I just have to rest, just like Dolly here, whom I lost in February πŸ’”

You don’t see the pain in every step

Every breath, in everything I do

I hide it to live a normal life

In any way that I can

You don’t see the cancelled plans

The crossed out events in my diary

I wish I could go to everything

But sometimes my body doesn’t let me

What you don’t see on my worst days when I am unable to get out of bed, compared to the days I am out and about. And yes, I am still in pain even when I look fine

You don’t see me crying in my room

Hiding from the world

When it has all become too much

And I want to be alone

You don’t see the appointments

The doctors who don’t listen

Trying to make others believe

That it is not all in my head

You don’t see the anxiety

The fears I hide from the world

That my life is passing me by

I cannot fully experience as a healthy person can

I choose not to show all the struggles I face

I’m happy to talk about it sometimes

I just don’t want sympathy or to bring the mood down

All I want is to live as normal a life as possible

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6 thoughts on “Chronic Illness: What You Don’t See”

  1. This is just so perfect, Bethan. So well voiced and I nodded along all the way. It’s so bittersweet, and I ached at the end because I hate knowing you and likely many others feel the same as I do. I wish I were alone in it because it’s horrible feeling like this and living this kind of half-life that others don’t see. This bit – “The fears I hide from the world, That my life is passing me by” – really hit me. I feel like increasingly as time goes by, like the weeks are blurring into months and suddenly years have gone and I’ve not been here, I’ve just existed.

    Please know you’re not alone in your feelings. I wish I could offer something more positive but I just wanted you to know I loved this post.

    Caz xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words Caz! It’s so good to hear I am not alone and we all relate to each other’s problems associated with our health. Also thanks for always being there and I know I always have your support xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Im 59 yr old male vorn with Stickler syndrome . Which meant cleft palate and two club feet all repaired in the first 5 yrs of my life . However I have always suffered with chronic pain , fatigue and as ive got older it gets worse . Even as a xhild everyone including my family thougyt I was a lazy child or hypochondriac it was so frustrating because theky didnt realise or understand . I worked until I was 35 then i couldn’t go on and had to convince the doctors and of course the dhs that I really couldn’t it wasn’t easy . I have raised a family but its been hard for them , for which I feel imensly guilty . Needles to say I as most in our position have suffered depression and stress and anxiety . It just never gets any easier . I only stay so as not to cause my family distress but often say wheen my time comes i shsll breath a sigh of relief , no more pain no more guilt . Sorry to be so negative but thats from my heart .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry you have been through so much. Hang in there. Try to find something worthwhile and positive in your life to hold on to and keep you moving forward no matter how small it is.


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